Trust...

Trust is a very weird thing. You automatically begin to trust as soon as you are born--you trust your mother to take care of your needs. As you get older, you begin to develop relationships and your trust gets tested and you learn life lessons from it. You trust your best friend for keeping that little secret that you don't want anyone to ever know-- no matter how small it is. Then, you get into deeper relationships and trust and love take on different meanings. You trust that the one you love will love you in return. You learn to trust your emotions and feelings.

But how do you trust someone you hardly know? How do you continue to trust that same person after they betray your trust? What if that person holds a huge piece of your future and keeps it hostage?

These are the feelings that I have been dealing with for a few weeks. We are going on 90 days waiting on our home study. I know it's done-- I have read it several times. I know it needs corrections-- our agency said so. I trust that our social worker is doing all she can to get it to us. But that trust is waning. Without our completed home study, we can't apply for approval from homeland security. These are the last two items for our dossier.

What can we do? What should we do? Those are million dollar questions. We COULD start over with a new social worker. We'd be out the money we've already spent and have to spend even more money on another one. We'd have to go through all of the interviews again. We'd have to wait AGAIN on approval from the agency and countless corrections. In the meantime, our documents will expire and we'll have the time and expense to get them done AGAIN. What should we do? What should we do, I ask.

As you can tell, I am having a rough time with this. Never did I dream that it would be this difficult to get documents together. I thought the hard part would be waiting for the day to hear that we have a child and then the wait to have her in our arms. I dare to say that this is more trying on our emotions. To be helpless, knowing what needs to be done and knowing there is nothing we can do to accomplish that last task.

Officially time for vacation!

I am at my wit's end! I know I have said it before, but this time, it is more true than my other rants!! I figured that it has been 61 days since my social worker told me that my home study was ready. Here it is- a mere 61 days later, and still, we haven't received it. I just don't know what to do. I have been praying for patience and understanding, but at some point something HAS to happen, right?! I know that patience is a virtue, but really? 61 days? Come on!

On a brighter note (and please forgive me for ranting), we leave for Gulf Shores on Friday. Stephen can't go for the entire week, so we are getting a head start on Friday. I am really excited! A vacation is very well needed at this point. The ONLY good thing about the delay is at least now I can get a picture of all of the family together at the beach! That picture will definitely be part of my dossier!! I will post it when I return from the beach!